We come here to officially repent of our ways.
For years we have claimed that the low-inventory grocery store we covered was called Aldi, which we said was a combination of Albrecht (a name) and Diskont (a German word for discount). We repeatedly criticized people who called it Aldi’s, saying that it was wrong.
Now we’re hear to say that we, in fact, are the ones who were wrong’s.
What changed our minds? The Internet, of course. Like most people, we were finally persuaded of the error of our ways by the arguments of other people we didn’t know on Facebook. “If we use it,” they said, “it must be right.” A fair point. After all, the customer is always right.
That argument would have been enough on its own, had it not been for the solitary man who emailed us to tell us that “even someone who had taken a freshman English class would know that it is Aldi’s. It is the short form of Aldi’s Market.” Granted, we’ve never heard it called Aldi’s Market before, but it does have a nice ring to it. In our minds, a nice ring practically makes it head canon. If head canon is good enough to say that the Star Wars sequel trilogy never happened, it’s surely good enough for our humble site.
So, as part of our journey of repentance, we would like to follow by leading. To do that, we would like to proudly announce that, effective immediately, we are now known as ALDI’S REVIEWER. Not only are we the reviewer for this great Aldi’s Market, but, by inserting Aldi’s, we also cleverly position ourselves to be a reviewer who is owned by the great cult of Aldi’s products worldwide.
We look forward to celebrating with our fellow Aldi’s fans, shopping for the latest Aldi’s Finds, and stocking up on the best Aldi’s has to offer, including from the comfort of home courtesy of Instacart’s. Perhaps we will even find a way, someday, to persuade Aldi’s of its true name. Only then will our journey into the light be complete.
We can’t wait to get Aldi’s things.
— The Team at Aldi’s Reviewer
EDITOR’S NOTE: This is satire. Note the date.